Bad Teaching and Abuse

Al Johnson has posted a story about an abused wife on Recovery Poetry blog.

Before I comment on this particular story, I want to note that a site like Johnson’s blog can be an important tool for people who are suffering abuse, no matter what the cause or the background. In working in ministry in various churches I’ve found that one of the most damaging problems, if not the most damaging, is a feeling of isolation.

There are many causes for this feel. One factor is the “faith face.” We know we’re supposed to be doing well, because good Christians are happy people, so we paste a smile on our face and charge forward. Another factor is gossip. Churches are often small, closed (unforunately) communities, and gossip is a besetting sin. As soon as someone’s personal story is repeated, trust is lost, and that person will become more isolated. Judgment is also a factor, usually cloaked in a guise of simply protecting the reputation of the community. But the more people any individual has heard condemned, the less likely that person is to share any problem they may have.

What can break isolation is the realization that one is not alone, that there are many people who are in a similar situation. I’ve repeatedly watched as people who find themselves in a safe environment start to share, usually fearfully at first, and then find that there are many others with the same problem. An anonymous venue is a good starting point for that, because a person can share, as this lady has, without putting themselves at risk.

In this case, I believe we do see the impact of bad teaching. It’s impossible to be certain, because I have not spoken to other members of the anonymous church described here, but at least one person has gotten the idea that she can’t share, and can’t find help within her faith community. Her faith community is clearly central to here, and that is where she needs to find help, but such help is simply not available.

Now I don’t want to make this a rant against complementarian views. I don’t believe that complementarians are more likely to be wife beaters than anyone else. I don’t have any statistics on this, but I believe that egalitarians can also become abusers. But at the same time, when one is teaching submission, as complementarians do, then it’s quite possible for women to feel that all problems must be their own fault, and the solution must be theirs as well. And while I don’t want to paint all complementarians with this same brush, if you teach submission without recognizing the fallibility of husbands, then I do want to target you.

If your view . . .

Blames more than half (or a fair share) on the woman in a relationship, without checking the situation carefully or
Provides no escape for someone who is physically abused, by which I mean is struck more than zero (0) times or
Assumes that what the man says is what must be true, no matter what or
Assumes that because a man is to all appearances a pious spiritual leader in church he must be a good husband
Holds that it’s inappropriate for a counsellor to listen to a woman’s complaints about her spouse

. . . then you are in severe danger of becoming an accomplice to abuse. In fact, that probability reaches near certainty.

That teaching may not cause abuse, but it will certainly aid an abuser in justifying himself when he does abuse, and it will prevent the abused person from seeking help. I would suggest that such actions will be ones you will have to answer for before God in the judgment.

I could go over the various Bible texts that I believe support this, but I think they have been gone over enough. I will simply say that any set of actions that permits or fails to challenge abuse does not live up to the “royal law” (James 2:8), and if you don’t live up to that, you need to check the rest of your interpretations. I personally suspect that God won’t be interested in how you fine tune the Greek words in obscure passages if you’re failing to live up to the pellucidly clear passages.

Thanks to Al Johnson for posting this story, and for the material he posts on his blog. I would suggest to pastors and church leaders that to whatever extent you can safely do so, let people who are abused know that they are not alone in your church, and that they can talk to someone. Make sure that those people are clearly identified and reliable, that there will be no gossip, and no negative consequences for admitting to the problem.

Be Jesus the Healer in your part of his body!

A friend forwarded the following link to me after I posted my message above: Empirical Data in Support of Egalitarian Marriages and A Fresh Perspective on Submission and Authority. I believe that any reader of this blog in general realizes that I am egalitarian. I will not, however, build a correlation between complementarian theology and abuse. I believe that the correlation would exist between the specific elements I mentioned and abuse, and more importantly between those elements and acceptance of abuse by the victims. I would suggest that the correlation in the statistics mentioned is created by the specific elements I mentioned, and perhaps some others.

While I feel strongly that the egalitarian position is more in accord with the teachings of Jesus, I also do not want to be in the position of accusing an entire movement of being abusive. I go with an “if the shoe fits” theory. There are all too many who teach a complementarian theology who do include one or more of the indicators I mentioned.