Do You Really See Other People?
I had an interesting experience in the checkout line at the grocery store. The customer-facing display was off-color, in the sort of way that indicates some color data is not making it through. I commented on this fact, saying, “Either there’s something wrong with that monitor or it has a damaged or loose cable.”
The young man doing the bagging says, “Oh,” and turns the monitor slightly, which suddenly corrected the color issue.
“Most likely the cable in that case,” I said. Then I explained that I have worked IT for many years.
“We got that!” says the young lady who was ringing up the groceries. Then she commented that her dad worked with carpet installation and he would always notice and comment on issues with the carpet.
“It sort of changes the way you look at things, doesn’t it?” I commented.
To which both young people agreed.
That incident reminded me of one from long ago. Jody and I were at church, I believe shortly after we got married, and she mentioned something about a particular woman. Jody described the woman’s appearance and clothing. It took me some time to place her in my mind. Then I replied, “Oh, the one who was carrying the wide margin NIV Study Bible.” (I made up the particular Bible edition, which I don’t remember. But I identified the Bible she had been carrying in detail.)
We notice different things. I didn’t remember the woman’s appearance or her clothes. She could have passed me on the street the next day in the same outfit and I would likely not have recognized her. But I would have recognized the distinctive Bible edition she was carrying.
I think there’s an important reminder her. When we look at someone, we tend to see those things that are most important to us. Not to them. To us. A good deal of what we see in others we see because of who we are, not who they are. In a way, we don’t see them at all. Just the parts that fit us.
Let me suggest a few situations in which this is important.
- As a church leader, do you see a new member only for how they’ll fit into existing jobs you need to fill?
- When you meet someone is your main thought how they can be of use to you?
- Do you see someone as defined by one aspect of their identify, such as sexual identity, religious persuasion, political affiliation, or social class?
I suspect most of us do one or another of these things. I know I do from time to time.
Perhaps it’s time to start really seeing other people instead of just seeing our reflection in them.
To help you see others better
PERFECTLY SQUARE provides a way of thinking about differences and learning to value them. Learning about the world that was perfectly square and what happened to it may help you make your own world less square by recognizing others more fully.
