Threads from Henry's Web

Tag: gossip

  • Flying Words

    Flying Words

    My mother used to quote:

    Boys flying kites haul in their white-winged birds,
    But you can't do that when you're flying words.

    The poem is titled “Gossip” and the author is Will Carleton

    Some kind caress—some little petting ways—
    Commenced a-staying in on rainy days
    (I did not see’t so clear then, I’ll allow;
    But I can trace it rather acc’rate now);
    And Discord, when he once had called and seen us,
    Came round quite often, and edged in between us.
    One night, I came from work unusual late,
    Too hungry and too tired to feel first-rate—
    Her supper struck me wrong (though I’ll allow
    She hadn’t much to strike with, anyhow);
    And when I went to milk the cows, and found
    They’d wandered from their usual feeding ground,
    And maybe’d left a few long miles behind ’em,
    Which I must copy, if I meant to find ’em,
    Flash-quick the stay-chains of my temper broke,
    And in a trice these hot words I had spoke:
    “You ought to ‘ve kept the animals in view,
    And drove ’em in; you’d nothing else to do.
    The heft of all our life on me must fall;
    You just lie round, and let me do it all.”
    That speech—it hadn’t been gone a half a minute,
    Before I saw the cold black poison in it;
    And I’d have given all I had, and more,
    To ‘ve only safely got it back in-door.
    I’m now what most folks “well-to-do” would call:
    I feel to-day as if I’d give it all,
    Provided I through fifty years might reach,
    And kill and bury that half-minute speech.
    Boys flying kites haul in their white-winged birds;
    You can’t do that way when you’re flying words.
    Things that we think may sometimes fall back dead;
    But God himself can’t kill them when they’re said.
    She handed back no words, as I could hear;
    She didn’t frown—she didn’t shed a tear;
    Half proud, half crushed, she stood and looked me o’er,
    Like some one she had never seen before!

    Will Carleton, “Gossip” (A good source is the University of Michigan Library)

    I’ll leave application to the reader.

    (Featured image generated by Jetpack AI.)

  • Psalm 119:163 – Falsehood

    Psalm 119:163 – Falsehood

    I hate and abhor falsehood,
    but I love your instruction.

    When I read something like this, I ask myself if I could say it and be truthful.

    That’s a tough question. With the rise of the internet and social media we’re more and more aware of the sheer quantity of falsehood that is spread around. Now falsehood is nothing new as the psalmist could have told us. False stories about others are nothing new. That’s why we have so many warnings against gossip and backbiting in the Bible.

    On social media, our gossip is preserved and available for public comment. Do we hate, even abhor, false stories? Or do we have quite a different reaction, such as hoping nobody will notice, because the story is negative about someone we don’t like.

    This reminds me of a saying I heard regarding lawyers: “Americans hate lawyers, but love their own lawyer.” We tend to hate falsehood that smears someone we like, but supposing it smears something we also hate. Do we hate it, or do we just reluctantly turn away from it?

    If we’re really going to love God’s instruction, we do need to hate falsehood. Otherwise, we’re merely loving convenient parts of God’s instruction. We’re not nearly so happy about the parts that tell us not to spread falsehoods about others.

    How will you respond if you hear or see something false today?

    (Featured image generated by Jetpack AI.)

  • Psalm 119:86 – Valid

    Psalm 119:86 – Valid

    All your commands are valid,
    Yet they persecute me with falsehood.
    Help me!

    In most translations you will find a word like “truth” describing the commands. I think that “truth” with reference to a command can understood as validity. The commands are fitting, appropriate, and right. I could also change the term in the second line from “falsehood” to “invalidity.”

    How does one persecute with falsehood?

    Yesterday, discussing verse 85, I discussed made up or misapplied rules. Those ideas could apply here. I suspect the psalmist is talking about the use of rumors, careless and inaccurate reports, and vague accusations. I think people have used these things as long as there have been people. Currently we use the term “disinformation” to talk about stories that are intentionally false in order to pursue some goal of the writer.

    But a more common form of falsehood that harms is careless inaccuracy. I see this regularly on social media. People post or repost rumors and those rumors grow and morph as time goes on. It is nearly impossible to root them out, because they fit with someone’s view of the universe. They are used to run down other people or groups.

    There are various excuses for the use of falsehood, such as not having time to check, or just posting/repeating to see what people think. But the bottom line is that people’s reputations are harmed and it becomes harder and harder to communicate. We wind up living in fantasy worlds made up of the falsehoods we have absorbed.

    It’s easy to deceive ourselves that this is a strictly modern phenomenon, brought about by the presence of the internet. But these sorts of things have been passed on for millennia. The internet and social media have just made them more convenient. Their nature hasn’t changed.

    Any time we repeat or post things that are false, we bear false witness against our neighbors. You may be thinking I’m primarily talking about the political landscape, and I am concerned. Fact-oriented exchanges of ideas are of great value. But I’m also greatly concerned with what we do to one another in our churches and in our local communities.

    Paul was concerned enough about this to list “gossips” and/or “scandalmongers” in his various famous sin lists. I’m looking at Romans 1;29-30 right now.

    But there are verses about this closer to home, i..e. in Psalms and Proverbs. For example:

    “Gossip is sharp as a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18)

    “A scoundrel takes up evil gossip; it is like a scorching fire on his lips.” (Proverbs 16:27)

    Or the complaint in Psams; “Those who sit by the town gate gossip about me; I am the theme of drunken songs.” (Psalms 69:12)

    A good strategy would be to fight falsehood with truth, fight the invalid with valid. Don’t believe and don’t repeat anything you can’t be certain is true and useful.

    What can you not repeat today to help make the world a more “valid” place?

    (Featured image generated by Jetpack AI.)

  • Psalm 119:69 – Smeared

    Psalm 119:69 – Smeared

    The insolent smear me with falsehood,
    but with my whole heart I keep your precepts.

    Meditation on God’s word in all its various forms is useful when you feel that others are smearing you with lies. That is the most direct lesson to learn from this verse.

    But there is a benefit to meditating on the verse and then writing what has come to me–I can talk about a variety of things. And what my mind turned to was how one can be insolent (arrogant is also a possible translation) and smear people.

    You see, we tend to read scripture as one of the good people. This verse is written from the perspective of someone wronged, but steadily sticking to the right path himself. But how often are we in that sort of a “pure” position.

    I’m thinking especially of our behavior in the church community, but this sort of problem can occur when we speak about people in our families, our communities, and even of celebrities. We tend to delight in gossip. We tend to repeat it.

    Any time you pass on negative information you’ve heard about a person to someone who doesn’t need to know it, you are harming that person. Now in the secular world, we consider “truth” to be an adequate excuse for the most part. If it’s true, we think repetition is justified.

    But in the church community, gossip is listed as a sin. And unless you’re following an appropriate path to reconciliation, or engaging in a loving effort to help someone, repetition is hurtful. Matthew 18:15-20 provides a procedure that starts with talking to the person who has offended first, and ends with talking to the whole church. All too often, the entire church has heard before any effort is made to talk directly to the person concerned.

    When we do this, we’re part of the first half of this verse, not part of the second. We need sometimes to read these verses in reverse.

    Now I’m going to add something. Gossip is not a major temptation of mine. This is not a claim to righteousness of my own. It’s just that the ultimate bad guy knows what to tempt me with. What I’m tempted to do is to listen politely, not comment, and then leave.

    But let me suggest to myself and to all of you that listening to gossip in a polite way can itself be smearing someone’s character. You encourage the gossiper. You pollute your own mind with bad things about that other person. You may unconsciously poison your own relationship.

    You can’t stop all lies. There are too many of them. But whenever you can, you need to explicitly say no. When someone says, “Have you heard about what ____ did?” You need to say, ‘No, and I don’t want to.”

    What hurtful speech my you cut off today?

    (Featured image generated by Jetpack AI.)

  • Psalm 119:23 – What Others Think

    Psalm 119:23 – What Others Think

    Prince sit around and plot against me,
    Your servant meditates on your statutes.

    To be honest, my first reaction to this verse was a laugh. Yeah, right, I thought. He really can sit meditating on God’s statutes while he knows people are plotting against him.

    That thought isn’t entirely wrong. This really is a high-minded, and potentially dangerous, approach. If this Psalm goes back to King David, it would be extremely dangerous, and the story of David’s life would tend to contradict the claim.

    On second thought, this isn’t a bad idea at all. Not that we’re likely to get it perfect. But it’s a good goal, and it can prevent a great deal of heartache along the way.

    There was a time in my adolescence when I was very concerned that people might be talking about me. I’m not sure why I got to thinking that way, but I really didn’t want people talking about be and not knowing what they were saying. I don’t recall any particular event that got me past this stage, but I do remember that very suddenly I realized that it was quite rare for people to be talking about me. Then I realized further that only a tiny portion of the times people were talking about me actually did me any harm at all.

    This was followed by a decision on my part that I didn’t really care to hear gossip. The inverse of my realizations about myself was that it was almost never of any value for me to learn things about others or talk about others, unless it was a specific, legitimate discussion.

    I don’t know that the Psalmist was thinking this way, or perhaps simply stating that his knowledge of God and God’s will was vastly more important than human plots and conspiracies. But I think this verse has insight beyond its simple words. Think about important things. Think about higher things. Think about useful things. And yes, think about fun things. Plotting princes don’t count.

    What should you be thinking about today?

  • Of Politics, Cats, Context, and Church

    Of Politics, Cats, Context, and Church

    Cheena the CatThe other day I was browsing through my Facebook feed, which I do only occasionally, and becoming more and more annoyed at the politics posts. It’s not that I don’t care about politics; I do. It’s that I don’t like very much of what anyone says about politics on social media.

    As I browsed, I scented a certain odor, and I thought the odor was familiar in some way, and not from reading about politics.

    But first, let me talk about my cat. The cat you see in the picture to the left, at least mildly annoyed by having her picture taken, is Cheena. Now this post isn’t about cats. In fact, though I will talk about politics a bit, it isn’t really about politics. Nonetheless, Cheena the cat helped me along.

    You see, I remember one day trying to explain Cheena to another cat person. She’s not that friendly, she’s a one-person cat, she’s stubborn, self-centered, and wants just her choice in attention. “So,” said this other cat person, “she’s a cat.”

    Just so. She’s a cat. But you see, I’ve had many cats, and what I was trying to say was that, compared to the many other cats I have experienced, Cheena stands out for those characteristics. Pretty much every cat I’ve known makes its own decisions as to how long to sit on someone’s lap. But most of my cats, at least, have frequently curled up on my lap and purred. Cheena does this about every 3rd or 4th Christmas.

    It’s about context. I could have been explaining how truly cat-like Cheena is, apart from, you know, fur, claws, and pointed ears. I would have used much the same words. But I wasn’t. I was talking in the context of the behavior of numerous cats, and trying to explain how Cheena differed from them.

    It’s hard to accomplish that with just a few words. Someone who doesn’t want to take the time to understand Cheena’s behavior probably won’t get it. And why should they take the time? (I might note, however, that often people take more time to understand Cheena than they do many other things one might think more important.

    So back to politics, remembering that I’m looking to illustrate something else. I wonder if any of us could give a five minute speech, much less an hour-long press conference, without saying something that could be extracted to produce an attack ad—or meme—against us.

    The biggest problem I see with the political dialog is that very few people have taken time to look at the source and context of the material they present. (One of the most important purposes of finding a primary source, such as video of a speech, is to get the quoted line[s] in context. From Clinton’s “basket of deplorables” to Trump’s supposedly kicking a baby out of his rally, things get placed into whatever context a writer or sharer desires, irrespective of validity. Very few of these items are completely made up, but even fewer are totally truthful, representing the true intent and behavior of the person involved.

    We tend to construe statements from our friends in the best possible light, while we construe those of opponents in the worst way possible. Sometimes we end up lying both times. Our person isn’t as good as we claim and the other guy isn’t as bad. But my call here isn’t for balance, but rather for accuracy. I find counts of positive and negative stories quite irrelevant. How much positive or negative information was there? Was it reported accurately and in accordance with its value? Was it sourced?

    Many people share material without even reading it. The basis for sharing is not the accuracy of the content but whether they agree with the headline.

    Now here’s a question. How may of you followed the link in the preceding paragraph? If you did follow it, how many of you realized it was a secondary source, and then followed the link to the primary source? Did you then read the actual study? Do you know what the methodology was? What social media platform was studied? How they determined shares vs. clicks? Do you think the headline of the secondary source was accurate?

    We might want to blame social media for this, or perhaps the nature of politics. Politics is dirty business, after all. Yet I think we are all to blame, and we do it all the time.

    Now where was it I had smelled this odor before?

    It was in church.

    Notice how in 1 Corinthians 1:11 Paul observes with indignation (and possibly feigned shock) that he has even heard that there are factions in that church. Sometimes we think factions simply refers to differences of opinion, but Paul is quite open to differences of opinion (e.g. Romans 14). There’s something that’s different about factions.

    Factions build up around supporting one another no matter what, and putting down other people. Factions thrive on gossip. In Romans 1:29 we find “rumormonger” as one of the sins Paul lists showing how corrupt people are. Notice how many other words in the list there have to do with the way we talk about one another (slanderer, anyone?).

    When someone whispers a juicy detail about another church member to us, and we repeat it, even if we preface it with “I don’t know if this is true, but I heard …”, we’re guilty of rumormongering, gossip, and slander. It’s a sin. Paul saw it as a sign of depravity. It’s endemic in our churches, and generally we are unrepentant about it. Oh—it’s a sin when you do it about people outside the church too, even a politician.

    Gossip starts easily, and it can be stopped just as easily. If you want to see how it starts, just check the feed of your favorite social media platform, but don’t blame the technology. That’s precisely how those rumors about “Widow Brown” started in church. Someone says something they heard, or something they think might be the case, and the fire is started (James 3:5). And on it goes. We’ve all heard it. I suspect we’ve all been guilty of helping the flames spread at some point.

    How can we stop this fire? Apply two tests to what you’ve heard: 1) Is it well-founded and accurate? and 2) Am I a person who needs to know this? Apply similar tests before you repeat: 1) Do I know the source and that it is accurate? and 2) Does the person I am about to tell need to know?

    If it’s politics, it’s appropriate to pass accurate information on to those who need to decide their vote. In church, much more commonly the answer to the second question in each case is “no.” I know it’s hard to imagine, but we really don’t need to know the latest juicy story about our fellow church members. But even in politics we can ask the question of whether the information is actually of value. Should you pass on even accurate information about a candidate’s family? I’ll leave that to your conscience.

    I demonstrated some of the ways to check out a story with the link I used above. That’s good for your political information. If you find a story that has no source, or that uses as a source someone who couldn’t possibly know the information, reject it immediately. If an article says that “a study shows” insist on finding the study itself. Could the research they did produce the answer they produced? If not, drop the subject. If the story says “____ said,” ask whether they could know or not.

    In church, the procedure of Matthew 18:15-18. But first, make sure what you’re about to ask about is any of your business. If it’s not, dismiss it from your mind. If it is something that would be your business, going directly to the person is the best way to start. Afraid to go to that person? Don’t like confrontation? Then don’t share it. In fact, make “shut up” your default configuration.

    And do it about politics too. Unless you truly know.